The Light of My Life (Rewrite)
by Fae 206
Summary: (Rewrite 1st PPOV) Four years ago, newly wedded Hikari Takishima was abducted, drugged, and sold as a sex slave to an enemy of the Takishima family. Locked away from the world, Hikari has found herself becoming someone else through the pain of these years. When Kei finally finds her, can he save her and can he convince her that he's still her loving husband unconditionally? Dark.
1. Chapter 1 - My Memories

**AN:** I've started this story about four times now so I'm hoping that this time I will finally have it down right. I was going to wait until a huge upload to put it up but I am really proud of it. I hope you enjoy it too. It is an R piece but there won't be too many sexual moments so please don't request

 **The Light of My Life**

 **Chapter One – My Memories**

The clock on the wall is about two minutes slow, its hour hand is just a bit slanted meaning that somebody must have damaged it at some point whilst removing it and then hanging it up later, there is a weird click as it moves meaning that they must have taken off the hand at one time and then when putting it back on, instead of putting it flat, must have turned it to an angle, the point of projection I'm not getting, somewhere between seven and twelve degrees of change, my eyes must be tired.

I hear a few pens click as some documents get changed. The new guy at the table doesn't have that clean click sound as he presses his pen down meaning that it must be one of those cheaper pens that you find at office supply shops. The eldest gentlemen, our chief financial officer, his pen sounds very clear and is gold plated usually something presented by a mentee. I wonder what connections he has with the young ones in our company and whether this is something I need to check in on.

The papers have been read over, the way that the paper feels underneath my finger means it hasn't been printed today, it's gathered too much dust for that. I look up, my eyes observing those around me.

"So," I say knowing I have a professionally blunt expression on my face as I feel the Italian fabric on my suit. "We've finished talking about the quarterly projections. I am expecting to see a greater profit in the months ahead of us and I will be checking in directly with the management leaders from all of our departments. That's what my grandfather is expecting. Meeting adjourned."

I see people standing up, they are waiting for me to leave but I want to sit here for a little while longer. Being in London has an effect on me the same way that Tokyo does. I can look outside the window and just remember the time that I have spent here. Those years when I was a teenager and my girlfriend, later fiancée, and wife at the time of her disappearance, vanished and as much as I thought of myself as an investigator, I could find no trace of her dead or alive, just her university uniform stained in blood.

Four years later, that still chills me.

She would have been twenty-four just one week ago. She would have graduated from university with a degree in medicine with a specialty in sports medicine and we might even have had a child or two. That was before someone with a grudge against the Takishima family murdered her. I gave up hoping that she'd come back to me a year ago. It killed me to acknowledge that fact.

Still, life moves forward and tomorrow I will be looking at office buildings and making sure there is nobody who feels comfortable enough to foolishly throw themselves at me as if I want them. No, I am content with my dreams and memories of her. They might have taken her away from me and I may have been plotting murder towards them from the day the uniform was found but they will not take away my love for her, the time we spent together. No way.

"Mister Takishima," one of the men who is ten years older than me begins, tilting his head politely to the side. "Are you rea-"

"The meeting is over," I tell them, "Any additional time you take in this room is time that is better off doing the assignments that I gave you. I am going to stay in here for a moment longer," I look up and smile to an old friend of mine whose wife talked me into giving him this job. "Karino, you stay," I try not to smile and he sighs before nodding. I roll my eyes as the men walk out of the office.

"So, what's up?" Tadashi asks as he sits back down. I know that socially he's a hit with all of the people within the company despite being our lead in international business affairs and our researcher when it comes to remote locations we can one day hope to expand into, he's also a close friend of mine. "I thought about contacting you last week but last year you threw multiple things at my head. I mean, when Akira does it, doesn't hurt as much," he tries to smile and I look down.

"I need to take a trip soon, visit with the Hanazono family," I tell him. I contact them around this time every year since it's hard for all of us. It's hard for me to close my eyes and just see her smiling face reflected on my thoughts. I know that she won't return to us but I also know that despite the multiple times that this unprofessional friend of mine will suggest it, I'm not going to let him be my wingman to meet women. The only woman who was ever stimulating enough for me is dead.

"Are you sure you don't want to be accompanied on that trip?" he asks me and I look away.

"It's better to pay my respects alone," I reply. I look down to my wallet where I always have a picture of the two of us and I have the ring that I gave to her. It took a year to get it from the crime scene detectives but this was the ring that I used to propose to her. I felt like such a kid back then. I thought that happiness could be attainable, that _my_ happiness could be attainable.

"Meet me tonight, we're checking out that new building in Essex," I tell him and he sighs.

"Can't we meet a little earlier?" he asks, "I mean, there has to be a pub or a restaurant or somewhere fun for us to go."

"I'm interested in the building, we'll go there first," I tell him and Tadashi sighs but nods. At least I have a friend by my side. At least I still have five people my own age I feel connected to but none of them even hold a candle to them, my light, my Hikari.

…..

…..

"Was that enough for you?" I ask as I place my handcuffed hands atop the man's chest, I smile as I try not to taste whatever is on my lips and I see his stupid smile which I hate so much. This has been my life for what feels like ten years but it may have only been nine months. I used to keep track…well before the injury with my heart. After that all of these johns got the vetting that they deserved. I want to kick this man where it'll make the most damage but maybe that's all because of insanity.

I used to try to reason with these people. I used to get scared and plead my case, tell them who I am and that I knew powerful people and that I could get them things and then I realized that the only way I am ever going to get out of here is if I am dead.

It's hard to die when they slip you into a French maid's uniform and handcuff you.

I always remember that I loved to be praised for my accomplishments, used to be treated like a celebrity, I used to have a fiancé – no, husband, who loved me but apparently he thinks I'm dead and he's stopped trying to find me anymore. This man has nothing on him. Kei Takishima might have seemed a little distant but he was kind, he was funny, he was handsome, he definitely earned his first place spot. I never knew how lucky I had it chasing after him for so many years.

He inspired me, motivated me. Now the only motivation I have is hate and the wish that one of these sick freaks will one day free me. I feel his hand slip under my underwear and he smiles as he moves around in there. I glare at him.

"Such a pretty girl like you," he says and I don't know what this jerk's name is. I just know that this is not my lucky day. This guy isn't going to help me. "You want to give me a gift, don't you?"

"Well are you going to give me anything?" I ask as I nuzzle his neck and hum, "You like that do you? You know, I'll stay with you if you get me out of here."

Lies. They are all lies but I have to try anything I can. It's been too many days since I've seen the sun. There are no windows in this place, just doors and the knowledge that other people are surrounding you and if you're not the one being fucked then the person next to you is. The sounds drive you crazy.

"Heh, no way, I'll just come back here, you're pretty cheap," he says before getting off of me and I raise an eyebrow. How torture like this changes people? Turns them away from who they used to be. "But rest up, I heard that the two guys upstairs are from Japan and they might be a bit…you know, homesick," he says before kissing me on my lips and I spit it out with a glare. He then leaves and I sit back on the bed. Guy didn't even clean up after himself.

"You shouldn't make waves," I hear the girl right next to me say, "You've been in here too long, Hanazono. When you came in you were a cheerful girl who wanted everyone to be happy and wanted to save everyone. What happened to that girl?"

"I don't know," I sigh as I look up and have tears in my eyes. I lay with my back pressed against the mattress and feel my heart breaking. I look aside and start to hallucinate again.

"How was your day, Hikari?" the hallucination asks and I look at him. I know he's not really there but it's as if I can smell him. I can see his eyes, the blond hair, the way that my body is drawn to him. This vision. Either I'll get to see it when I'm on my death bed or never again. How long has it been since I've seen him? How many weeks, months, has it been years? How is he? Does he have a little boy that looks like him and everything in his life is so perfect? How is his wife? Is she interested in pro-wrestling?

"It was good," I laugh knowing that he's not really there, "How was yours?"

"Disappointing," he sighs as he sits down on a chair the other side of what I guess you would call cell. I pause before getting up and walking over to him. I crouch opposite him.

"How was it disappointing?" I ask knowing that I shouldn't be playing into this fantasy because it's going to break my heart when it ends. "Is there something that I…" I lean forwards as if to touch him and as I touch the air he vanishes. I close my eyes and cry. The worst thing is that I know how disappointed he would be in me. He would have wanted me to defend myself but they've been injecting me with drugs for so long that I don't even know what is real anymore.

At least I don't have to see how ashamed he is to have ever loved somebody like me.

"I hope you're happy, Kei" I whisper as tears run down my cheeks. "I hope you have a happy life."


	2. Chapter 2 - Those Monsters

**Chapter Two – Those Monsters**

The building is larger than I expected and they've even made this office look like a luxury lounge the type that you might get from the most exclusive airlines. There is water imported from what appear to be a mountain region higher than any recorded as well as flowers, snacks from all over the world, and other important beverages. They really haven't spared the expense. I also notice a black book that looks like a menu and on the front is just the words 'The Ladies'.

That's odd. I've heard about black books before of course, many of the women in America have them from their past loves and one-night stands if any. I hadn't seen it appear so much like a menu. I pick it up though usually these types of things don't interest me and before I can open the first page, it's snatched almost too easily from my hand.

"Anyway, you are interested in renting this building," he says and I see him place the book down as Tadashi is walking around, checking all nooks and crannies out. Something feels strange here. It's as if there is a strange humming in my heart that has begun in my feet. Quite a peculiarity. It's as if I'm a magnet and have a draw towards the ground.

"Is there a sub-basement here?" I ask and the man shakes his head.

"No just one basement," he tells me as he gestures for his assistant to take his seat as well. I look them over, I can't help but feel that these people are creeps but then everyone has their fetishes. My peculiarity is a true uninterest in the idea of either love or sex. I look down at the ring on my finger. Those who know me know that it doesn't symbolize that I'm the husband of someone living but the husband of someone who passed away a long time ago.

"I can't help but notice your ring," the assistant says and I smile sadly at it. I see Tadashi come and sit down beside me but his eyes go over to the 'menu'. I won't tell Akira of it. It's not really my problem that he has a desire to think of other women though he never thinks of them too hard. "Your wife, does she work with -"

I hold my hand up and look him face-on. "My wife is not a concern of yours," I tell him but the manager of the building turns to me.

"If your wife has any type of problem with you renting this property," he tries to tell me and I shake my head. It's hard to explain the situation but I have to do it. I have to say the words which make me die a little inside each time I acknowledge them.

"The Takishima company do not rent, we buy and we are very generous in the amounts that we spend. As for my wife, I'm a widower. I was once married to a beautiful woman by the name is Hikari Takishima but the marriage was short-lived." I bow my head. I wish I could emphasize what a perfect specimen Hikari truly was but I don't want to show too much emotion during a business meeting. The assistant seems to shift awkwardly only to be silenced by a head shake.

What's going on?

"What was your wife's name, again?" he asks and I frown. What are they talking about? Why would someone in Essex who had no connection with the Takishima family want clarification on Hikari's name unless someone has been claiming to be my wife.

"Hikari Takishima, her maiden name is Hanazo-"

"Kei, don't…don't blow up," Tadashi says and I look at him. What on earth is happening here? I'm feeling myself put on edge but I don't want to show it to anyone, I can't reveal my hand. I've trained myself on this, keeping my emotions separate from all professional engagements but the way that my friend is speaking matched with the verification of Hikari's name worries me.

"Excuse me," I say to the two gentlemen in front of me and as I approach Tadashi my eyes widen. I see the kanji for Hikari's name then I see that the words 'Hikari Hanazono' are printed in English and my heart breaks as I see a naked picture of her that she has obviously been forced to take with a menu next to her with items ranging from a kiss to oral sex. I pause. I would know her anywhere. My whole body is shaking and I'm expecting myself to turn into an ogre as a dark mist seems to fill the room. I feel as if my eyes have started to shoot out lasers and I have never felt this much hate in my whole life.

"How old is this!?" I yell at them as I hear a window shatter from the vibrations in my voice. I don't care. I'll murder them right now. Screw jail! I don't care if I get the death penalty! Tadashi puts his hand on my shoulder but I don't care if he's unconscious with a traumatic brain injury. This is my wife. My wife who I gave up on. Who they murdered! I will never let them get away with this. "How old is this damn book!?" I ask them knowing that I probably appear some psychopath who broke out of isolation. No, I don't give a damn how I look.

"If you'd like to see the wome-" the manager says and I turn to him. My eyes widening, is he seriously going to ask me what I think he is. "I can arrange a discou-" I feel everything inside of me give way and I leap on top of the man. I'll rip his heart out and force it down his throat. His intestines will be tied in knots. His lungs will be inside out by the time I'm done with him.

"That is my wife!" I yell. How could they do that to her!? I see the manager nod to his assistant and I don't care what's going to happen. I am going to murder this guy in the most painful way imaginable. I know Tadashi is trying to hold me back but this is my wife! He can't do this to her! If she's dead then…I freeze, stopping short of murder as that turns around in my head. _If_ she's dead. That means that there's a chance that she's alive. I hear a muffled sob and I pause, turning around slowly and I freeze.

Her hands are tied up, her breath muffled and it looks as if she's having trouble standing but she's forced into a chair and I stand up. I see the man on the floor trying to reach for his shotgun and I make sure that he's unconscious before he can get it. How long have they been keeping her prisoner here!?

"Hikari," I ask and she sobs. I've got blood coating my hands. I look like a deranged killer and it seems that she doesn't even know who I am. "I'm sorry," I whisper to her as she blinks hard, "I'm sorry that I scared you. It's okay, I'll stop," I promise before shooting a dark glare at the assistant.

…..

…

I still feel raw from earlier and my heart is still breaking from my imaginary conversation with Kei. He would be disgusted with me if he saw how I was living. I can't even call myself second to him any longer. He probably has another person that he calls second place now. I feel the pain across my body as I want to scream but one of the men who is holding me captive comes towards me with another needle. I want to move away from him but they already have me weakened and I feel the sting as he injects the drug into my body.

He forces the French maid outfit tighter around my body before tying my wrists and gagging me so I am completely helpless to him. Is he going to kill me? "We're going upstairs, bitch," he tells me and I struggle. Upstairs isn't good. I've heard that when people go upstairs they wind up with scars because they've displeased the owner of the building, the leader of this gang. I don't want to go upstairs.

I feel him force me and I want to scream, beg for him not to take me upstairs but he forces me up the stairs and then up the stairs again and I feel as if my legs are about to give out on me again. "Someone special's going to take you to their home," he tells me and I look back at him. This place is bad enough. I don't want to be sold somewhere worse where I don't know what is going to happen to me.

I hear the sound of fighting and my eyes widen as there is a man trying to use the owner as his punching bag. There's so much blood. He's going to die. I'm going to be given as the prize to someone who kills people for their own pleasure. I try to squirm away but as the guy lifts his head I know his face, I've imagined it so many times. Is it really him? Is it really Kei? He looks so much older than when I left him.

He turns in my direction before he makes sure that the owner is out. He looks so unsure. I must look like a ghost to him, a zombie but I want him. He's not a murderer. Did he find out what they've been doing to me? Is this…I take a look at the ring, definitely him.

He gets up and moves over to me, "Hikari," he asks and I sob. I can't believe that he's here, that he found me after all of this time. He's covered in blood from the fight but I don't care, it's him. I don't mind if he's murdered that man. He's here. I can see him again, touch him again. What if he's not mind though? What if he just wears the same ring out of convenience? He's so much older, how long has it been? How old am _I?_ "I'm sorry," he apologizes again. "I'm sorry that I scared you. It's okay, I'll stop," he tries to reassure me but then he gives one of those terrifying glares to the man who has just pulled me upstairs.

He advances towards me slowly before taking a look around. It's only the four of us in here. Who is he looking for? He reaches for my mouth and then gently removes the tape covering it.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he tries to tell me though the blood from his fingers is now on my cheek. I look at him and he soothes the part of my skin that the tape was on and I spit up the plastic that is preventing me from talking. He quickly breaks the binds around my hands. "I'm sorry," he apologizes and I shiver, curling into a ball and he touches me very gently, only his fingers are on my skin.

"K-K-Kei," I choke out and peer above my knees to look at him. He stands there quietly. I've never seen him in this much shock even when I told him that I would be leaving or that I was in love with him on the boat. He doesn't know what to do as his emotions swing against one another. "K-Kei?" I struggle again and he nods.

I don't care about the blood on his fingers. He's the man I've wanted to touch me for such a long time.

"Can you stand?" he asks me gently and I nod but as I get onto my feet I feel like a newborn deer. I'm wobbling. I won't be able to walk very far. He immediately throws my arm around his shoulder and helps me find my balance. "Here," he tells me, "I won't hurt you. I promise not to hurt you," he tells me as he takes me into a princess carry. He kisses my forehead affectionately and I can't help but sob, hiding my face into his shoulder. He's still my husband right? No. I wouldn't be that fortunate.

As he walks out, he punches the assistant in the face and both men are unconscious, he checks his watch. "I give them a good six hours," he comments before I hang on him tighter. This is the bridal carry he now has me in, I remember this from our wedding day.

"I'm sorry," I sob painfully onto his shoulder and I see him turn to me.

"No, please don't be. I'm sorry, my angel," he says and I feel less like an angel and more like a monster. He finds a car and I see that Tadashi or an older form of Tadashi is sitting in the passenger's seat, his fingers are turning white from how hard he is clasping the book. He looks at me and opens his mouth several times. Did they think I was dead!?

Kei places me in the back, takes off his coat and places it behind my head before he grabs a blanket from the back and tucks it around me. "We're taking her to the hospital," he announces and Tadashi looks at him and then back at me. He's still in as much shock as both of us are.

"Tadashi?" I ask weakly and see Kei is concentrating on the words again, "Will Takishima's wife be angry?" I ask and Kei turns to look at me in shock before concentrating on the road.

"Don't even think that I got a divorce," he says and I know that he hasn't. He wouldn't have had to have gotten a divorce if I've been written off as deceased. "I just found out that my wife is alive and I don't intend on leaving her _ever_ ," he says sharply and I freeze. Is he talking about - "Or do you not want to be my wife?" he asks me and I see the tears in his eyes.

"I want to be your wife," I tell him before I feel my eyes start to close. "I lo-love you Kei-kun," I say and he steadies himself but a sob still comes out as he sweeps in and out of the other cars as if he's driving a sports car. He's beyond desperate to get me to a hospital. I'm just happy that I'm still alive and that he still wants me. Before my eyes finally close I hear his voice.

"I love you, Hikari," he whispers before sobbing again. He sounds like he's in so much pain but we're together again. It should be okay now.


	3. Chapter 3 - You're My Home

**AN:** Even if I am the only one enjoying this, I'm really loving it. Thank you to anyone else reading 😊 I'd love a review but don't pressure yourself to do one. Thank you for giving this fic a chance.

 **Chapter Three – You're My Home**

 _Please don't leave me_

Those were the words that Hikari had said to me before the medical treatment and testing started and I have no intention of leaving her side. I had permission, as her husband, to watch them take multiple tests of her body and prep her for surgery. I hadn't known of the damage that she had endured but I blame myself. I'm her husband. I should have never have stopped looking for her. This is partially my fault.

Fortunately, she's fallen asleep and I can watch her. It scares me how much she was damaged both internally and externally and that's not to mention the mental, emotional, and psychological toll to her. I should have murdered him whilst I had the chance but I couldn't do it in front of her. Bringing her here to the hospital was my first priority.

I hear someone enter the room and I touch her hand, she doesn't wake up but it's comforting to me that I can hold her. I look up at Tadashi and nod as he still seems to be unable to register that our Hikari is alive, that _my_ Hikari is alive. "Do the police have the book?" I ask him and he nods, "and they've sent out a team to the location?" he nods again, "And you've told Akira?"

"Not yet," he tells me and I sigh. I stroke HIkari's hair back affectionately. I'm lucky to have her back but I'm unlucky to have lost her in the first place. Because I was unable to find her, she's been through so much pain. I can't control my anger but I don't want to show it to her. Hikari Takishima was kept as a sex slave for four years. That was her main human contact. I have never been so repulsed by anything.

"Please tell her," I tell him and I feel a little bit calmer knowing that the Hanazono family know and are making the arrangements to fly here as soon as possible. I can't believe the damage that she's been through and what they diagnosed. Heart problems. Lung problems. Possibility of several STDs. Muscular atrophy. Shock. These are just physical changes. The most damaging ones are her psychological and emotional damages.

She starts to wake up, still with the oxygen mask on helping her breathe after the operation on her lungs. Fortunately she hasn't died from them but I was told there was forced trauma on them as if she were beaten. I'm glad that they don't seem to think that I did it to her. I gently push her hair back, thinking that I'm doing it affectionately but she freezes. I pull back. I didn't mean to scare her.

"Stop it," she whispers as if she's dreaming and then her eyes open and she looks at me. The fear turns to happiness and relief and awe and she grabs my hand, pulling me towards her. She must have thought that I was somebody else.

She struggles to take the mask off and I panic. No, she's supposed to keep it on. She looks at me as I stare at her in shock, twitching a little. "Are you…real?" she asks me and I pause. Am I real?

"Please keep the mask on," I tell her as I readjust it over her mouth. I kiss her forehead trying to prove how much I still love her. Nothing has changed. I still love her as much as I ever have. "Yes, I'm real," I tell her as I squeeze her hand and then hold it with both of mine, bringing it to my lips so I can place a soft kiss atop it. "I'm here. I'm so sorry that I let you -," I tell her as I hold her hand with one of mine and she squeezes back, "that I couldn't find you."

She shakes her head not understanding the guilt that I have. I hold back a choke before I reach into my bag and get out a small box that I always keep with me. It not only has her engagement ring in it but her wedding ring. I always want to be reminded of the fact that I married her. As I open the box she looks at me longingly before reaching a hand out wanting to take one or both of the rings.

"I don't go anywhere without these," I tell her before taking out her wedding ring. I hold her hand before gazing into her gorgeous eyes, "May I?" I ask as I hold her hand up. She nods, her eyes filling with tears and I slip the ring on. She brings her hand back to her heart and tears trickle down her face as she examines it in the light.

'I love you' she mouths under the mask and I kiss her forehead again.

"I love you too, my beautiful Hikari," I whisper and she places a hand on my cheek. I hold it there and am thankful that Tadashi has left the room. Somehow interacting with her pushes my rage aside momentarily. We can finally be husband and wife in the way that we were meant to be four years ago. "Let me know if there's anything that I can do for you?" I ask her and her fingers spread over my cheek. I'm trying to hold back any sign of weakness but I've never been happier.

She shifts over in the bed before gesturing for me to lay down beside her on the side where she's not hooked into the machines. I blink in surprise before nodding and I get down next to her so that I can hold her protectively. I'm never going to let any harm come to her ever again. I've learned my lesson to never give up on her.

…..

…

I can still feel them shoving me, hurting me, tearing my clothes off of me, forcing their bodies onto me as I try to think of how warm Kei's arms are and how much I loved competing with him in high school. Despite his sarcasm and his somewhat pretentiousness, he always touched me in the most gentle way. His arms were warm and his touch soft and slow. He always went at my pace and the way he smiled made me feel worthy.

It must have been a dream. All of it, it must have been a dream that he came back for me. I must be imagining his blond hair, his gentle eyes. I want him. More than anything else, I want him to hold me and I want to remember how it was to walk down the aisle and though I started off scared _when_ I saw him, I knew everything was going to be okay.

One of my usual clients is back, the one who makes me feel worthless. I freeze. I don't want to do this anymore. I want him to stop. As I struggle, I open my eyes. I'm not in that room anymore, my cell. This is a hospital room and I see my husband, oh my god he's still my husband, gazing at me nervously. He's concerned about me. It's been a while since I've seen someone whose this concerned for me.

I stare at him, I can't be this lucky. I feel relieved and I grab his hand, pulling him towards me and he moves forward with the same ease I remember. I struggle with the oxygen mask. I want to talk to him. I need to ask him something, I see the shock in his face. He's twitching a little as if I'm doing something stupid that he needs to correct but is in too much surprise to ask me. "Are you…real?" I ask. My lungs hurt and I feel a little dizzy and light headed.

He pauses. Wait, he _is_ real, right? He's not going to suddenly start talking about his wife and kids. He moves his hand over my face and I can smell him. He's not wearing any cologne like the other men. I can smell the faint scent of soap but otherwise he's the same. "Please keep the mask on," he tells me before kissing my forehead.

"Yes," he tries to assure me, "I'm real." He holds my hand and brings it to his lips as he makes me feel treasured like no one else ever has, well my parents and friends but in a different way than him. "I'm here. I'm so sorry that I let you -" he stops. I don't want him blaming himself. He couldn't have had any other choice and I know that we both have always meant a lot to one another, "that I couldn't find you."

He didn't have a choice and I shake my head but I see his body tense, he looks like he's about to cry. I don't want him to be sad. He reaches into his bag and pulls out a box. It's a jewelry box. Is he going to give me something? He opens the box for me to see and both my wedding ring and engagement ring are inside. He kept them with him for so long a time. I reach out a hand wanting to hold them, wanting to remember our wedding day.

"I don't go anywhere without these," he tells me in his sweet Takishima style way. He holds the hand where the ring used to sit and looks at me softly. I can't help but let the tears stream down my eyes. "May I?" he asks and I nod. I want that ring on my finger. He slips it on in the same adorable way as he did when we married one another.

I hope he understands how much I love him. I want to tell him that but under this mask I can only mouth the words. He kisses me again, that same light in his eyes that I remember.

"I love you too, my beautiful Hikari," he tells me and I place a hand on his cheek. "Let me know if there's anything that I can do for you," he tells me and I let myself touch his skin. I want him with me. I want him to erase all of those other men. I want to know about his day, his life. I want to be with him. Instead of telling him this I move over in the bed and hope that he understands what I want.

He smiles before climbing into the bed, holding me so protectively and gently from behind. I feel safe. He's here. I can finally be with him again. I feel the breath on the back of my neck and it feels good. He's unlike all those other men who treated me so roughly, he's soft and gentle and warm.

I reach out, seeing a pen and paper and he sits up a little. He's worried about me hurting myself but I have to ask him this. He sits back, looking like a confused and scared child but I have to ask him this question. I write the word Home on the paper and show it to him.

"Home?" he asks before smiling, "We can go home as soon as the hospital releases you," he tells me. "I want you to stay here until you're better. They're worried about some infections and you had to go through surgery but I'll stay here with you until they allow you to come home with me. We can go anywhere that you want, anywhere that you want to be."

I take the pen again and finish the sentiment, 'Home is Kei Takishima' I write and he looks at it before giving a sad but hopeful laugh. He nods.

"I'm glad that I'm your home," he tells me before stroking my hair back. "We can go anywhere that you want, my home is with you, HIkari," he touches the mask again. He's trying to help me heal but I can see the desire in his eyes, he wants to kiss my lips. I want to let him but he's going to get panicked if I take off the mask.

I turn to the next page before writing 'Forgive Me?'

He puts a hand to the notepaper and takes it from me. "There's nothing to forgive," he tries to assure me. It seems that he's more relieved to have found me despite what I've been doing with other men. "We're together now, we'll build our future and move on from the past. I want to help you heal," he tells me and I cry onto his chest. He pulls me closer.

"I love you so much, my Hikari," he tells me and I shiver. He pulls the hospital bedsheet closer around us, tucking it around my body. "You've always been my number one," he says as he kisses my forehead again.

Kei, I'm just….you're all that I want. Kei.

 **End of Chapter Three**

 **Thank you for your support**


	4. Chapter 4 - The Hanazono Family

**Chapter Four – The Hanazono Family**

He's finally asleep. He's taken a while to get to sleep but then I know that he's gone weeks without much sleep before and I understand that he's happy to have me back but he doesn't know how much I've changed. I'm unworthy to be his wife. I take a deep breath in as I notice all of the changes he's gone through. If everything went according to his grandfather's plan then Kei is the CEO of a great company where he's putting in all his time and energy.

Hopefully I don't shame him in the papers but I could easily do that. They won't focus on the fact that we fell in love when we were teenagers and attending school together – an elite school – despite the angle that they could get from that. No. They'll probably talk about his success and the fact that I was forced to pleasure multiple guys.

I turn my face into the pillow and cried. The world doesn't seem real anymore. I guess with everything that was injected into my body, I was unable to fight them as I usually would but then I wonder whether it was just the injections in the end or whether I had built up a tolerance to them but lost hope. I didn't know that it had been years that I had been trapped but was that because I didn't _want_ to know that it had been years.

I take a deep breath in. I don't know who I am anymore and I feel that I'm not worthy to be Hikari Hanazono and especially not Hikari Takishima. I've changed too much. I've brought sin and shame onto the family and I can't believe that he's still here. He should be at the office or in a business meeting. I take a labored breath and hear him stir.

He turns to me and puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Hikari?" he asks as he kneels down opposite me so that we're at eye level. "What is it? What's wrong? What happened?" he gathers me up in his arms because he's kind and empathetic and I don't deserve him. He slowly rubs my back and I grab out for him. I take him by the collar and pull him in but he just moves with me.

Why isn't he pulling away and disposing of me? I slept with other guys when I had promised myself to him. I did things sexually that I would never want to do again even with someone that I trust as much as Kei. I can't speak when I see how nervous he is. I'm hurting him. I _must_ be hurting him but he's sitting there as patient and loving as ever.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asks and I hate to take advantage of him. I failed him. I wasn't able to escape and I don't know when I stopped trying and just accepted my fate. I should never have done that. I hurt him. I've been hurting him.

Kei takes a deep breath in before kissing the top of my head and I freeze, he pulls back, his face showing his worry that he took a step over the line by doing that. I shake my head and wrap my arms around his shoulders and see the bliss on his face. His eyes widen though and he looks up as if he has just seen something ominous, he pauses before smiling and I turn to see my dad there. He looks so much more exhausted and so much older than he has before.

I see the tears in his eyes as he turns to me and Kei stands up before dropping into a deep bow. I see the shame cross Kei's face as if telling Dad that he's sorry for not rescuing me in time. I hate to see that kind of pain.

"No," Dad tells him before coming closer to me, I get myself into a seated position and he wraps his arms around me in a close embrace, he has tears down his cheeks. Usually Dad is such a strong person, I thought that I got his strength as well but he's sobbing and I realize how grief stricken he's been because I couldn't escape.

"Hi-Hikari, it's really you, daughter," he tells me and I nod, pushing my face into his chest. I can feel Kei just standing there, observing this scene. "I am…the heavens have answered my prayer for your life and your return."

I nod before pulling away and Dad still has his arm securely around my back. "If it wasn't for…"

"Kei has been like a second son to me and your mother," Dad explains and I turn to Kei who still looks guilty as if it is his fault that I wasn't found earlier and had to go through that ordeal. He nods before bowing again.

"Sir, I wish I had found he-" he begins but Dad cuts him off.

"Kei, you've done more for my family than we could have ever asked for. I know that you've done this all because of how much you love HIkari and if I can do anything to protect that love," he tells Kei who looks a little flustered. It's cute when he shows these emotions. "This boy…this man has shown love that has only existed before in fairytales," Dad tells me and I nod.

I believe that with my whole heart that Kei did everything that he could for my family. He must have used money at some times but I know his heart, I know how he sometimes doesn't really know how to act among others but his social awkwardness is something I love about him. Still, he has given everything that he possibly can for me and I can't help but fall in love with him all over again. I don't know much about his life right now but I want to learn more. I want to make him proud to be married to me.

…

…

Jiro is giving me far too much credit. I should have worked harder and carried my belief that she was alive for longer. It was Ryuu who had encouraged me to seek out therapy, Jun who had backed him up on it, Akira who had yelled at me following my own suicide attempt. I should have acted more stubborn and selfish and worn myself out too much but I didn't. I stopped looking and accepted the fact that she was dead. I failed her more than anything else.

I want to be saved from this room. They are praising me too much, turning me into the hero that I'm not. I'm a man who focused too much on his work and a man with a violent streak that was on full display when I found her. I just hate that she was in so much pain and if I had a license to kill, they would be at the top of my hit list.

I nod and Hikari smiles at me weakly. I want her to have that strength that she finds in me, that sense of hope, but that doesn't mean that I deserve it. I haven't been with anyone else, I swore off women after her death but that means that I have lost those skills in romance that she often praised me for. My home is that of a single man who keeps himself on his own figurative island. I'll have to redecorate.

"Kei," she reaches out for me and I take her hand.

"I'll get you some food whilst you catch up with your dad," I tell her and she nods, turning back to Jiro and I walk away. I feel bad for walking away but I can't have them keep telling me I'm a good person. I left my wife in that condition, if only I had exerted a little more effort I would have found her years ago. I am responsible for the pain she went through for _years_.

Still food would be good for her right now. She needs to build up her strength and a good plate of food is ideal. I don't want to go to the cafeteria though. She deserves better than what they serve here. I run my hand through my hair again realizing that I haven't been taking care of myself since I've been so worried about her and I turn to the exit. As I take a few steps towards the door, I feel someone grab my shoulder.

I turn. Hopefully this isn't one of those guys who hurt her. Don't they know who I am, that I could kill them easily. Well, I could render most men unconscious with just a single touch in the right area. After that, it's the police who can deal with them. If I want to stay with Hikari, I have to do this properly.

As I turn though I see the spiky black hair and solid build of my brother in law. I smile weakly, "Hey," I breathe out, dropping my head and he holds onto my shoulder. I know Atsushi is just worried about her. I don't know why he's concentrating his efforts on me though, he should be rushing to see her despite her being hooked up to those machines.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asks me and I laugh softly, I should be asking him the same question. Forget about me, I'm not important. _HIkari_ is important.

"Getting food for us. I don't want Hikari eating this type of food," I gesture in the direction of the hospital cafeteria. I might as well get a sandwich from one of the stores here, it'd be better than the food that they serve here. Atsushi nods.

"I'll come with you," he tells me and I raise an eyebrow.

"I'm fine by myself," I argue although I honestly would prefer the company right now. "You should go see Hikari. Your father is already with her. I think I'm fine getting some food on my own. You want to see her, right?"

"I do," Atsushi says awkwardly and I nod and start to walk away again but he follows me. "If Dad is with her though then she's in good hands. I want to see her but I don't think that you should be alone right now."

I roll my eyes. I'm happy. I'm happy that Hikari is alive, does he actually doubt that emotion? I know that Atsushi would never have reached the SA rank but he's not an idiot, he actually does share the intelligence that Hikari has but he's never put in the work that she did. He prefers to be more laid back. Why do I need anyone? Hikari should be the one surrounded by people that she loves and who love her, surrounded by happiness.

"Why do you think that?" I ask as he continues to pursue me and he stops.

"Kei, don't you feel that your stomach is tied up in knots?" he asks me and I turn to him. "I know that you're happy now but you've been mourning her for such a long time. There must be some triggers that will flip that happiness," he says and I look at him. I know what he's saying.

"And if I do run into anyone who I feel deserves it, don't I have a right to kill them?" I ask and Atsushi shrugs.

"Probably," he nods, "I'd want to murder them too but you can't be there for my sister if they arrest you for murder and I'll help you if you feel like you're losing control and hey, you can help me too."

I nod knowing that the two of us have that in common. "Okay, let's go," I tell him and he follows me.

It's nice to know that I've been truly welcomed into the Hanazono family.

 **End of Chapter Four**

 **Thank you for reading**


	5. Chapter 5 - I Need Some Help

**Chapter Five – I Need Some Help**

It actually feels very nice to have some company beside me. I've been adrift for too long and isolated because of my love for Hikari. No. It isn't Hikari that made me like this but to have lost her. I can't even describe the amount of pain that I've been in from not having her beside me, not seeing her smiling face. I push my hair back and try to smile but the strength isn't in me anymore. I thought that I'd be revived by Hikari being here and I'm definitely happier but it's still an adjustment.

"Did you date anyone?" Atsushi asks and I roll my eyes. I thought he knew me better than that, I thought he knew that I was completely dedicated to his sister, to _my wife_. I shake my head and he smiles as we get to the front of the line. "It's on me," he says as he takes out his wallet and I open my mouth to protest but he gives me a firm look. "I'll get it. We're getting four, right?"

"Yeah," I nod trying to reach for my own money. I have far more than him in my pocket, perhaps more than he has in his bank account but he's insisting that he pays for us and I know not to turn down a good man's offer.

"Thank you," I tell him as he orders and he smiles. It's good that I have family here, Hikari's side of the family. I love Sui but Atsushi gives me the feeling of how it would be to have an older brother. He hands me the ticket to get the food and I nod. We go over to get drinks and he looks at me concerned.

"What happened in the past," he tells me and I look away. I don't want to talk about the past. Hikari was hurt, she shouldn't have been hurt in that manner. "What those men did to her, they _will_ pay but what Hikari needs right now is for the two of us to be there for her and that's not going to happen if either one of us is arrested."

"Are you sure that you trust the police to handle something with so much delicacy?" I ask him before smiling as I think about all the possible ways I could get revenge. I shouldn't have left it where I did in the house. I should have gone further but I was more concerned with getting her to the hospital and getting her help. I should have murdered that man but Atsushi has a good point. If I were to commit murder then I wouldn't be near my precious Hikari.

"So, have you figured out where the two of you will be living?" he asks as we carry the drinks back to the table and I smile.

"A little, wherever she wants to go is good with me," I close my eyes and put my hand on my knee. I need to steady myself. There's too much pain in the world which isn't good. I wish that I could make things instantly better but that requires powers that I just don't have. It isn't going to be okay or magically turn into the past. Hikari has been manipulated so she's developed some psychiatric problems and although I don't want to force her into therapy, I need to provide those options to her.

"Just so long as you stay together," Atsushi grins and I nod. I'm glad that he can understand how I feel. The smell in this restaurant is starting to get more delicious, maybe it's okay to let my guard down right now. Everybody is safe. I don't need to be worried any longer.

…..

…..

I feel Dad's hand on my shoulder as he tucks the blanket around me. I see the way he's looking at me is as if he stumbled upon some fantasy creature that shouldn't exist. It's him looking at me with love in his heart but also that weird half-understanding that I'm alive. I feel safe here. I trust Dad. I trust Atsushi. I trust Kei. At least I know that there are some good men out there even if I feel that they haven't been with me.

I reach for Dad's hand which he lets me hold, "I want to be with my husband," I whisper and Dad smiles. He sees the trouble that I have breathing and it's as if he's looking around for something to help me but I shake my head. I hope that those words didn't upset Dad too badly. There's a sentiment that all daughters need their father until their husband comes along and I want to be with Kei.

"He'll be back soon, Atsushi's with him," Dad tries to comfort me and I nod, letting my head rest against the pillow. I close my eyes but then feel a hand press my back. I shiver and the hand remains there. I feel weak and powerless and I don't know what Dad is doing. "Hikari?" Dad asks as he sees the pain that I'm going through.

"Please don't touch me," I whimper but the hand is still there and I hear someone humming that song about the spider and the drainpipe and reaching towards my genitals. I take a quick breath in. I'm going to panic. Why is Dad doing this to me?

"Hikari," Dad says as he tries to comfort me, "I'm not touching you."

I turn and my eyes widen as I see the shadow of an especially cruel and sadistic man that they had stuck me with some time ago. He treated me as if I was an object and the fear was too painful with him there but how could he be here. I reach forward and he disappears. It was just my imagination but it seemed so real. I'm never going to be able to adapt to normal life now, am I?

…..

…..

" _You know," the man, a somewhat muscular man who looks a mix of ethnicities tells me as he forces me onto my back but with how drugged they keep us in here, that amount of force is easy to show. "You are a kitten and I don't really enjoy cats," he says and I stiffen. I don't remember ever asking him if he was a fan of cats but I should know that my words don't matter any longer. This man is built like a bodyguard or a football player but I know he's not going to use those muscles to help me._

" _I'm sorry," I whisper trying to make myself feel as hollow as possible. If this man just does to me whatever he wants then it'll be over. I'll force myself to dream of Kei tonight. I'll dream that he's sitting next to me and telling me not to be afraid._

 _He pushes me to the wall and makes sure to hold my head there. My head is spinning and it's hard to get my senses working again but maybe this dizziness is a good thing. If I can just fall into a mix of consciousness then I can pretend to be somewhere else. In his arms, perhaps._

 _He pushes me down and almost strangles me before singing, "The incy wincy spider climbed up the water spout," he tears my underwear off and starts to feel around. I have to go submissive. As much as I never wanted that in the past, right now, I have to go submissive and stay submissive. He starts to undress himself and then forces himself on me, praising himself for what a good job he's doing._

 _I've learned enough to just stay still and take it. That should never be natural, it should never be automatic, he would always protect me from that kind of thinking._

…..

…..

"Do you see something, HIkari?" Dad asks me and I nod slowly. He calls for a doctor and I know the doctor can't do anything. This is in my head, it's all in my head. I sit up before throwing up onto the floor. I close my eyes and Dad looks at me. I know he wants to wrap his arms around me but he's questioning his methods.

I hear a noise at the doorway and then his voice. "Hikari!" he yells to me before gathering me up in his arms and I feel safe. I feel that it's going to be okay because he's here and he's never let me down. He's always been protecting me.

…..

…..

Something is wrong, something has gone wrong and it makes me want to pick up a hundred medical books to do with trauma, sexual abuse, and psychiatry and flip through them because this is what I'm not good at. I'm not good at knowing how to help other people despite wanting to be a nice guy and especially a loving husband towards my beautiful Hikari. I don't know what is wrong but hopefully my presence is comforting.

Hikari clings to me whilst shaking, she pushes her forehead into my chest and I don't know how to help her. I pull her closer but hear her whisper to me, "I need help."

I take a deep breath in. I don't want to tell her that I feel the exact same way. For her to say she needs some help is one way but for her husband to tell it to her means something different. I push her hair behind her ear and try to look at her in the way that I always look at her, the love in my heart hopefully translating through my expression.

"We can get some help," I tell her and she pushes her face into my chest again and weeps. I don't care that her father and brother are here, she needs me. I get into the bed and she curls up close to me, sobbing painfully. Something has scared her so badly and I wish that I could take all that pain and make it disappear forever.

"Kei…"she breathes and I'm beyond grateful that I've found her, that I can be the support that she needs, that I can hopefully heal all of these wounds. I kiss her lips and she looks at me.

"We'll get you help, whatever you need," I tell her hoping that she trusts me. I don't think that I've given her any reasons in which she can't trust me.

"I want you to come with me," she tells me and I nod, holding her hand and taking breaths in time with her to make her feel more connected.

"Of course," I tell her and she lets her head rest against my shoulder.

"Even if you don't like what I have to say?" she asks and I know that with what she's been through, I'm definitely not going to like hearing about these other men who assaulted her and used her as an object but I'm hers. I belong more to her than to the Takishima corporation by far. Wherever she wants me, I'll be there. I love her. I can never stop loving her no matter what might happen.

 **End of Chapter Five**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**


	6. Chapter 6 - My Real Home Is You

**Chapter Six – My Real Home is You**

 _This_ is not Akira's fault. This is not Akira's fault.

Those are the words which are going through my mind as I hold the damn phone to my ear. I thought that if I hired and promoted Tadashi – someone who has strong intellectual skills when he puts his mind to it – that I would have someone there to support me. I should have known nepotism doesn't work out when you have to think about the best possible scenario.

"It's very simple," I tell him as I keep my eyes on Hikari. I can't even believe that I have to be on the phone right now when my wife is scared and in need of me being there physically. I know that she has her family but I thought it could be explained by itself. "My wife is not dead and I have familial responsibilities." I close my eyes. Doesn't he have a copy of all that we worked on. "If you're still having trouble after reading my email then get in contact with either my father or Aoi, they'll walk you through it."

"There's no way of convincing you to meet with them yourself?"

I pause. I am tempted to just hang up on him because who the hell thinks that I'm just going to come into the office when I thought that my wife was dead but instead she has been tortured and sexually abused. I have to show some patience though. Hikari always proved that tolerance was what was most important to others and Tadashi isn't like those perverts who were holding her in those damn prison cells.

"No." I state bluntly. "I don't care how much money you think I could lose out on. I am not leaving the hospital unless I am accompanied by my wife. Tell them that I'm the CEO and I can take off as many days as I please."

"Kei, they might have i—"

"Then fire them," I say shortly before pausing and looking towards Hikari again. I take slow breaths. As much as I'd like to just exert my power and kick them out into the cold, Hikari would prefer if I tried something a little nicer. I sigh and lean back, looking at the ceiling. "Don't fire them," I whisper. "Just…" I shake my head, the room is too still, it feels like something is going to happen. "Just tell them that it's none of their concern."

I can't stand being on the phone for another moment and so I turn it off and go back into the room. I hate that I left her. Even for a moment, even though I barely took my eyes off of her, I hate that she was here without me. I hate myself more for not being able to protect her. Atsushi has her in his arms and I feel horrible that I had to take a phone call from work and that separated us.

"Here," I whisper as Atsushi transfers her to me. I hear her sobbing and hold her close. She's always been so precious to me. "Hello, my Hikari," I tell her as I kiss her forehead. I want her to be comfortable and feel safe and protected because I swear if any of those filthy vermin come near to her again I don't know if I have enough control over my anger not to murder them in cold blood. "I'm back," I tell her and she nods slowly.

"I'm sorry that I had to leave," I tell her honestly. I would have preferred to have stayed with her. Maybe skipping out on work and not answering phone calls would have been more pleasing but she would have blamed herself if she found out something had happened. There's no place for her to blame herself. "Are you scared to be getting out of the hospital?" I ask her and she shakes her head. I'm surprised. Hospitals don't really change very much – the buildings not the equipment – and so you often find yourself familiarized with them. Hikari has been trapped in the darkness for years and I want to protect her from things she's never seen before.

"I'm…I'm excited," she tells me and I hum. I hadn't been expecting for that response. "I'm going ba—" she turns towards my chest feeling nervous about her question and I kiss her forehead whilst rubbing her back. She means everything to me. "back to your pl—place?"

"Our place," I tell her and she nods. I hear her exhale in a relieved way. Everything is going to get better. I'm going to make sure that it gets better for her.

…

…

" _Mr. Takishima," a woman says as she holds my credit card and I look at her with a blank stare. "Are you sure that you're happy with how the house will be decorated?" I look around and nod without having much of a smile on my face. I don't care how it looks. I just need a bed and shower and probably some type of food option in order to get from here to the office. I'm not even going to be living here that much, it's just property. It isn't important._

" _Just charge whatever you think is fair," I say before my eyes widen. I didn't even realize that I had brought it with me. I walk over and pick up a small toy Yappi, the one that Hikari and I picked up at the haunted house when we both expressed how much we loved each other. I once had this fall out of my pocket at a meeting and someone asked me if it was a gift from a loved one. Yes and so is the little Hikari that she made for me as well._

" _This," I tell the woman as I bring over the toy to her and she stares at it. She looks at me questioningly and then turns her attention back to the bunny rabbit. "Please put at least one item in each room that is inspired by this rabbit."_

 _The woman looks at me confused. I know it might seem out of character for people who don't know me but if Yappy the Bunny can help me feel as if Hikari is actually living here then I am going to want to have that as a reminder. I smile as I look around. Maybe I should start picking out things that I know that she'd like but I get scared._

 _I once tried to decorate another room in all of her favorites with some pieces showing wrestling and festivals, those things that she really loved. I thought that when she came back, she'd like seeing that I didn't forget about her and I'd take care of her and make her happy and things would go back to the way they were before. Then it just felt sad waiting for her to come back to me. I want her back. I would do anything to get her back and to live a long and happy married life together._

 _I need to make this place as boringly executive as possible. I don't want to remind myself that she won't be living with me. As long as it feels like a hotel room or an office board room, it's fine. They say home is where the heart is, well pitch me a tent outside Oakland._

…..

…

This house is very different from the one we had when we first got married. At that time it was covered with pictures of us with our friends and families. It had numerous books on art and martial arts and history and festivals and then Kei had a special section where he had placed all of the business books that he had already memorized. We had exercise equipment. There were numerous pieces of art. Things were lively and beautiful because we both liked them that way.

There were tickets in a glass case of all the wrestling shows we had gone to together. It showed fun and passion and love. It feels like I've never left the hospital in a way. It feels like I was invited into a nice elegant hotel but it doesn't feel like the home I knew. No. I'm being greedy. I am happy to be here because Kei will always keep me safe.

"It's not much," he tells me and I see something pink and out of place, a lamp where the base is shaped like a rabbit head. "I mean, I didn't really choose any of the decorations and the color isn't exciting. We can paint and redecorate when you're feeling better."

I nod. I look at him and turn around again. I can tell that this is his place but it doesn't _feel_ like him. I'm not getting his energy. I follow him down the hallways as he shows me each room. I stop at a shadow box that is displayed by the bathroom. There are a couple of pieces of jewelry in there, things that he spoiled me with. My engagement ring isn't in there. I smile weakly and he sees that confused look.

"Sorry," he says and I stare at him. I wasn't expecting for him to apologize to me. "There are a lot of items I kept but most of them are in Japan in a safe. I'll send someone out to get you some clothes and we can go shopping for more whenever you're comfortable. We can even order some to be delivered here."

"Why are you apologizing?" I ask in a low voice. I'm not used to saying how I feel and I watch him. He turns his body to me, giving me all of his attention. I bow my head, scared to make eye contact. He sighs, tilts his head, but I know he's trying not to force me. "The place looks good."

"It's a bit boring, I didn't feel much like decorating," he tells me and I follow him into the next room which is an office with four different desktop computers and different laptops being charged simultaneously. This is his home office? Doesn't it get depressing in there?

"What about enter-tertaining?" I ask him in a small and timid voice. Is he going to laugh at me, tell me that because of what I've been through that he doesn't love me anymore? Instead he stares at me silently. He's not saying anything. Why is he not saying anything?

"Entertaining who?" he asks and I pause.

"Other wom-" I struggle. I don't want to imagine him telling me about some wonderful women who he thought he loved. I'm so selfish but I want to be the only one whom he loves. He puts a hand to my cheek and I look at him. He still has all those passionate feelings for me that he's had throughout our entire relationship.

"What other women?" he asks before shaking his head. "I could never be tempted by _other_ women," he says with a smile and I feel more uncertainty. "I married you. I love you. That love will never fade and it has no chance of being replaced by something new. _You're_ my wife and the only woman I could ever love. I hope you know that."

"Even if there have been other men?" I ask him and he nods. He holds my hands and I turn to him. His eyes are concerned but he's smiling to me. He reaches out and tucks some of my hair behind my ear, being extremely gentle in his movements.

"I love you," he tells me and I nod.

"I lo-" I try but he doesn't hear me and he turns to two doors still down the hallway.

"You can have your pick of where to sleep," he tells me and I watch him. I want to sleep in his arms as I've dreamed about every night since our separation. "You can take the guest room or you can sleep with me," he says and I look down. I feel tears in my eyes. Maybe he doesn't want to sleep with me.

"With you," I tell him before smiling. "I love you, Kei."

 **End of Chapter Six**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are awesomely appreciated**

Thank you so much to Genesis Perez Vejar for reviewing Chapter Five


	7. Chapter 7 - A Man's Touch

**Chapter Seven – A Man's Touch**

" _Aren't you lucky?" the master tells me as he drags my body, this time wearing a revealing half-yukata out of the room. He shows me to the client for that evening. He's a balding middle aged guy who looks very unattractive but he must be someone from a powerful company with his suit. I've come to learn about the monetary worth of men by their clothing. "You get to go upstairs."_

 _I blink as I feel the man pushing my hair out of my eyes and then feel the sharp stab of the needle. I feel my body for a moment before it paralyzes and the man moves my arm. I can't move my own body. I'm like a doll or a mannequin. I can't even lift my hand of my own free will._

" _It's not as if I'd let her move. You can do whatever you want with her now," the master tells him and my heart feels like it's been broken. The man starts to move me as if we're dancing and I swear I hear judgmental laughter and look up to see a hallucination of Kei. I breathe deeply feeling pain in my chest._

" _So, Number Two," my imagination tells me. "You've got a special night ahead of you. Too bad. I thought you were stronger than this, I thought you still loved me."_

" _I do love you," I whisper to the dream image I have of Takishima and he shakes his head._

 _At that point the middle-aged man starts to laugh, "Wow. Did you teach her to say that to me?"_

…

…

There's someone touching me! There's a man touching me!

His arms are wrapped securely around my waist. His breath is on the front of my neck. I can feel every exhale and inhale. There is a man touching me. This is not what men are supposed to do! I push him away and hear him wake up quickly. A man is touching me. I fly up and grab the nearest thing I can, a clock on a bedside table and I hold it protectively as I move to the back of the room. "Don't touch me! It's against the rules!" I know they don't care. All they care about is the performance.

"It's okay," the man says as he sits up in the bed and my body runs cold. It's an illusion, right? It's all an illusion. That sturdy build with that comforting expression on his face. That golden hair which is the same as his mother's and grandmother's. That concern in those gorgeous, rich brown eyes. "Hikari. It's okay. You're safe."

It's an illusion, I'm hallucinating. I shiver before wrapping an arm around my chest. "Don't get any closer!" I yell at him as he already has put one foot on the floor. He hesitates. He shouldn't be hesitating. Most men would have grabbed me and thrown me back onto the bed. He looks like he has the body strength to do that.

"Okay." He nods. "I won't move, promise," he says and somehow I can trust in those words. It's part of the delusion, the hallucination. "I know it's hard to wake up in a strange place if you…"

I throw the clock at him, it breaks and leaves a dent in the wall but he moves to the side to avoid it. His reflex skills are as amazing as the man he's pretending to be. He picks up one of the hands of the clock. I wonder if this is going to set him off but he just collects the glass and broken pieces and puts it on the small table right next to him. He looks to me with a steady look, concern on his face but there's no anger.

"Can you tell me what you think is going on?" he asks me. His voice is slow, calm, gentle. He sounds like Takishima but it can't be. It's someone who is using his form, his voice, his mannerisms to torture me. "I'm not going to move."

"Take off that disguise!" I yell at him as I finally point at him. I'm wondering when the anger will start. He stares at me completely confused. "I don't want you to pretend to be him! It hurts! It's cruel! He's not coming to save me, he's forgotten about me!" I accuse him. I just want for him to stop being Kei. Kei is the one I love more than anyone. This man needs to stop. It's not fair."

"I'm sorry," he says slowly. "I never forgot about you, I would never forget about you. I wanted to save you. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that for so long. It _is_ me though. How can I prove that to you?"

I pick up a bookend which has a sharp point on it and direct it at him. He won't approach me. I just want to know who he is.

"Hikari," he says slowly, "Can you take a moment and look at your hand for me?" he asks and I shiver. This is a trap, isn't it? I nervously take a look at my hand and see that my wedding ring is on my finger. I didn't have my wedding ring when I was imprisoned. "The side table to your right," he tells me and I take a look at it, he still isn't leaving the bed. "That folder has the hospital and medical records. Remember, you were in the hospital and then we came back here. You wanted to sleep in my arms."

I look at the papers. This is proof that this isn't a dream or a hallucination but does that mean I just threw a heavy and expensive clock at my husband? If he wasn't Takishima then he would have been hurt by it hitting him, maybe even killed.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as I fall to my knees and sob.

"Hikari," he says slowly and I still have my head bowed, tears flowing down my face. "May I give you a hug?" he asks and I nod in response. Very gently, I feel him kneel down next to me and pull me into his arms. I sob onto his shirt. "It's okay. I've got you," he tells me, "I love you."

…

…

She's scared. I don't know what I've done but she's absolutely terrified of me and I just need for her to calm down. I'm not afraid of her hurting me. I have the reflexes to avoid anything which she literally throws at me. I'm afraid that I won't be able to help her. She's accusing me of being in disguise. I suppose it's because she doesn't believe that I saved her and that hurts me.

I see her crash onto the floor and sob painfully and all I want is to hold her and promise her that they won't be able to hurt her again. "Hikari," I say gently not wanting to scare her by rushing her. She sobs again and it's paining me to just watch this. "May I give you a hug?" I ask her and she nods again. I have to be slow and gentle with my movements so not to scare her. Finally making it to her side, I reach out and pull her into my chest. I feel all her tears on my shirt and chest but she could destroy this shirt for all I care. I just want for her to feel safe and wanted.

"It's okay," I make an attempt to comfort her. "I've got you," I try to assure her. "I love you."

Hikari continues to sob and with one hand I attempt to massage her back whilst the other still has her held to my chest. I kiss the top of her head. I won't leave her How can I prove to her that I won't leave her?

"Kei," she finally says in a mumble and I hum in response. "I love you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I threw the clock at you. I'm sorry I didn't think you were real."

I rock her back and forth in an attempt to comfort her, "There's no need to be sorry," I try to assure her and see her open her mouth as if to argue with me. I pull her even closer to me. "I'm here. I'm here. I'm not leaving you."

Hikari closes her eyes and lets her head rest on my shoulder, I smile in relief that she was able to calm down. I can't leave her. Even if I get hurt somehow, I'm not able to leave her. I hesitate a little. She has her first meeting with the psychiatrist today. I have a feeling she's scared about it and she has asked me three times to come with her. If she wants me there then I will be there.

"Do you want to get some cocoa?" I ask her kissing the top of her head and she nods. I help her up and go to the kitchen with her. I never really drink cocoa myself but I bough it in case there was some client with a kid I had to impress. It looks like it hasn't expired yet. Sui kind of likes this brand. I heat up the kettle and watch her. She looks exhausted and I wish that I could just make everything better for her.

"Do you remember?" she asks and I turn to her, she bows her head nervously and I sigh before approaching her. She doesn't finish that sentence for me.

"Do I remember what?" I ask and she closes her eyes tightly. Hopefully it isn't a bad memory for her.

"You…do you remember our wedding day?" she asks and I freeze. Yes, I remember our wedding day. It was the happiest moment of my life. I knew that I would always be with the person I love most. I knew that I really wanted to be the best husband, someone she could always be proud of.

"The happiest time of my life?" I ask and she smiles with her head still bowed.

"Really?" she asks and I hear the kettle so I can make her cocoa. I bring her some fancy cookies that a client bought for me for a gift and set them on the table. I hand her the cocoa and see her smile.

"Of course," I tell her. "I always think about how beautiful you were walking down the aisle and how lucky I was to be the man whom you chose for your husband. I'm really thankful for you, my Hikari," I tell her and she reaches for my hand, her cheeks red.

"I'm thankful for you too," she tells me and I nod. I just wish that I had found her in time before she had to endure things that would be unfair for anyone to have to go through.

 **End of Chapter Seven**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated**


End file.
